Everyone’s been doing some sharing and I thought it was about time I did too. No one needs to comment, but I’m just telling a chapter, as more will follow.
During, college I never put much thought into which career I’d pursue in the AF. And to be honest, I quickly learned that my engineering degree wouldn’t have made a difference. I’d be entering with a technical degree and they would’ve assigned me to wherever they would’ve needed me. Of course you can pursue a specific field, but what I mean to say is that your degree was never the deciding factor. Some people graduated with a computer science degree and would receive a pilot slot. Some people graduated in biology and were placed in maintaining ICBMs. The judgment of your character was more of a qualification than your degree. After all, the military would entail more school and training in any career field. At the time I was decommissioned I was pursuing a job as navigator or air battle manager (ABM).
If I wasn’t pursuing these I probably would’ve been placed in a civil engineer (CE) position. Well, what would I have been doing as a CE? It’s hard to say or imagine. I might have been working with the government, paving runways, or research and development. For all I know, they might have thrown me into Intelligence in front of a computer terminal. Aside from a select few careers like pilot, ABM, NAV, or OPS, every other title was vague. My life is in the AF’s hands. Show me a cast and mold me.
I thought my chances in the AF would be more exciting and well defined as a NAV or ABM. I would have been constantly traveling, had minimal duties, and instant stature. Being an astronaut or pilot is like being a rock star. You were lead singer. Being a NAV or ABM was like being the bassist or drummer. No glory, but all the perks. As you know, my eye sight is too poor for pilot, and I never fit the criteria of a bonified rock star.
However, I had to change schools and leave behind my cushion-y Chicago zone. Switching schools and rubbing elbows with a whole new cadre proved difficult. What do I mean? Well you get recommendations from the cadre, who are the officers in the ROTC department. They are your mentors and professors. Most of them know you from the time you enter college until the day you graduate. They’re your judges and jury. And for me, it was one disaster after another.
The first time I met the SLU Commandant of Cadets (the liaison between the cadets and the officers) I had the most uncomfortable experience. He asked me the most simplest of questions, “Tell me about yourself?” And I completely drew a blank. I didn’t want to start on a depressing note, but I had nothing positive to talk about or feelings that I wanted to share. Dad had passed away nearly 8 months ago. I failed 2 classes at IIT. I’ve been in a complete tailspin applying to SIUE, re-registering for all my classes, and trying to save my scholarship. We sat in silence for 10s before I shrugged my shoulders. He asked, “Where did you grow up?” “Oh, ok. Well I grew up in *blah blah blah*. I’m living with *blah blah blah*.
The second failure I had in the SLU program was that I was completely alienated from everyone else. Sure, I had to meet all new people. I had to travel 45 min to SLU twice a week, but communication was another invisible barrier. There were NO ROTC students in the SIUE engineering program, and since I spent all my time in the engineering building. I never saw any fellow cadet on campus. I asked numerous times to be put on the cadet emailing list, but I never received an email from the cadets AT ALL. These emails explained where we’d meet, what uniform to wear and any last minute changes (which would happen all the time). I told another student to forward me the emails, but he forgot all the damn time. I missed parades, meetings, and tests.
Man, … the test. There was one lame winter day when SIUE decided to cancel classes. I arrived on campus to see the parking lots were empty. So, I went to see one of my engineering professors. He said “Classes canceled. Go Home.” I asked do you know if SLU is canceled, too. I have an exam today. He said “Yes, all closed.” Just to make sure. I drove out to SLU and the ROTC office. That place was empty except for the secretary. I asked are classes canceled, today. She says “Yes.”
Turns out that classes at SLU were canceled in the morning. My ROTC professor sent an email to remind everyone that the test was still on for tonight. Well, LA DEE FRICKING DA! I dont get the emails and I went home for the rest of the day to boot. I show up the next week and I get “Mers, I need to see you after class.”
I also have to mention that the ROTC class was 3 hours long and once a week. At the same time, I had a required SIUE class. When I finished my SIUE class, I had to book it to SLU and catch the final hour of ROTC class. It was of course my problem to catch up on the material and get all the notes from class. The professor of this class was also a Lt Colonel and the head honcho of the SLU detachment. No brownie points for Mers. Occasionally, she’d let us out early. Super! 45 minute hauling ass, sitting in class for 15-30 minutes, and now I’m driving back home for another 45 minutes. All of this to save face.
But still, in this SIUE/SLU period, I was in the 5 year program, while everyone else in ROTC was still in the regular 4 year college program. The majority of them had easy majors like poli-Sci, business, or (God Help Me)… english. Seriously? You paid >$10K for a private school to major in english and go into the AF. It ate me up so much inside when I had to drive back home to finish an engineering assignment. While they had a one 10 page term paper for the whole semester. Erghhh… and no I dont want to hear about how you’re going to some party after class. Some of those cadets were so stupid too, with no common sense or professionalism.
So, yeah, I was still trying to give a damn at this stage. I still had that goal of NAV or ABM. It was paramount that I did everything to nail the career now, because this chance would never come again. The AF doesn’t spend the money training you as a civil engineer only to bump you up to a NAV or pilot slot later on. As Eminem would say, “You only get one shot. Do not miss your chance to blow.” And I figured it’s now or never. If I get stuck in engineering, at least I had tried. So, I was exploring every possibility to better my chances and do my sucking up. I even considered taking pilot lessons to get a license. That would have looked good on the cadet resume.
But, as you may know, I found out that I had psoriasis and that was the final kick in the face. For one more semester, I didn’t know where I stood as an AF cadet. They sent it into headquarters, and I wouldn’t hear back for a couple months. After I was told that I wouldn’t be commissioned, I still gave a crap to the rest of the cadets. I had a position of decimanating information and coordinating operations in the leadership class. I still did it and finished my time in ROTC. All the hours I poured into ROTC resulted in a useless college minor in Aerospace Science. I kinda wonder what I’d be doing now, if I never opened my mouth about my dry skin.
